Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Holding grudges can cause so much. Plz read. !

This is for all the single, married, divorced, widowed individuals, who take life for granted.

Please I BEG YOU, read this story until the end, it is such an opener.

It is definitely worth your time.

Because it is 3am in the morning now and I have to be in school by 8am tmr but I still post this up after reading it on email.

Credits to Gina.


Not only that, I have also
Sacrificed my sleep to

Edit this post.

To make it look neat and tidy for YOU to read.]

Do take 15 min of your life to read.

Yours Sincerely.
~~~~~~~~~~~




Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us.


Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young.

Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree.

You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today.

I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery.

Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round.

As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother.


" Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to test on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets.

Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy.

I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her.

For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment:


"I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for?

You also can't eat flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better."

Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it."

Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs.

I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure.


Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost,

I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it.

Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it."

There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.

Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast.

In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice.

She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest.

As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and am exhausted from along day of dancing around,


I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.

From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me.

For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags;


she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings,

I would quietly wash them again.

One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room.

Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night.


I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me.... I got mad and asked him:

"What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once?

We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?" After that incident, for a long period of time,


mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house.

During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please.



In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting.

At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife..

To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work.



That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?"

He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me.



After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat.

I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not. I threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out.

Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes..

I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really did not mean it.We had our very first big fight that day;


mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house.

Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call.

I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do?


For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home,

I was at the low point in my life.


Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor." The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant.

Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news.

Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day?

At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard.

I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him.



He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart.

I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby:


"Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy.


What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the testof one fight?

Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket.



That night, sound of the drawersopening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face.

He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house.



Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters.


I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again. The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby.


I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital."


I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless.


I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen?


Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me.

I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people.



That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside.

As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...

I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarrelled, if....


In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.


Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him..

And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and could hardly breathe.

I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in.


I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.

Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later.



The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.

One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window,


I saw hubby and a woman sitting facing each other and
he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant.


After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes.


I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything.


The woman looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her.


He stared back at me, challenging me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death.

I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me.


That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other.


He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff.

I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. I lived alone;


I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination.

My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby,


I told them No, I will not..

I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death. One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room.

The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it.

In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign."

He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine.


As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there.


After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy.

I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me.

Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him.



"LD, are you pregnant?" Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops.

I said: "Yes, but it’s OK, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket.


In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me.


I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever.


We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional.


I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.


Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart,

I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him.

From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart.



Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room.

He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room..

At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet.



This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh.

He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us?



Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing but I continuously ignored him..


Almost every day, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read.

Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full.

I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions.

He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear him typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore.

It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain,


hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment.

He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to the hospital.

Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite.

Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?

He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain.

Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand.

Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his...

I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment.


Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long.


I asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer.

Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral."

I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me.

Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that...


the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted,

to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks,

if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be.

But daddy now no longer has that chance..

Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion....

Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through life journey.

To be honest, daddy is very happy.


Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..."


From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.


Hubby has also written a letter for me:


"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby...


My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me...


These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging... "


Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma.


I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..."


He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air.


I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face.....


A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever...


"Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our originals intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, everything became too late."........












This is a true story.





LEARNING POINT - DO NOT EVER HOLD ON TO OFFENCES!!!









Have A Good Night !

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I feel terrible

I am having severe SORE THROAT AND FLU !!!


I am sneezing like an idiot right now.


Its like once in every 2 s.

And I cant even type properly.

Mr Juay Please Please do not fall sick. I still have a long day ahead.


A LONG WEEK rather !

Plz, dont fall sick idiot !

And please stop the rain.

I needa go to school !!

Anyway going to school soon.

Gonna go prepare for sch alr.

CYA GUYS. Be back quite late tonight. Around 9 plus.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Ignored

Will be very busy starting tmr. Every day will be the same.

I am prepared.
I am determined this year.

Anyway, going to Alene's house soon.

Her mother dam cute LOL.

Need someone like me to teach.

after her house going to JB.

Den back to wash bike.

And den prepare for tmr school !


My schedule will be like today almost everyday.

However I purposely squeeze everything together.

I left Friday and Sat free.





I miss you =/

Monday

I believe many of the polytechnic students have either start school long ago or one week ago or today.


I should have started school today.


But lucky me.


My timetable states no school on monday =D


Anyway, will be going to gym ltr.


And gonna be a mother's teacher after that.


Contemplating whether to go JB not,


since I will be going down to woodlands anyway. Argh.


Anyway, so funny that the taxi driver talk and talk dont let u all go.


But his dog is so cute


However the way they breathe is a bit loud. =X


HAHA, and the dog name is some indian name if I remember correctly.

Cute right ?!

Big big Golden Retriever.



He is the fattest Golden Retriever
I ever seen !
NO JOKE.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

My love left on a Saturday.

I think about better days and wonder if I'll feel that way again

I thought of you and I know so well

so deep and insightful as though you're always in control

But not today,not now.

The thought of looking deep into your hazel eyes.

Hoping to understand why you've did those things.

I wonder for a moment if this is all a dream

If I shall wake in the morning and be relieved.

But no, not today.

My heart empty.

My soul torn apart.

ANd who is there to keep those shattered hearts.

Lying there; wondering where I went wrong.

My mind invaded with thoughts

So cruel and unrefined

The sensation of fear of what's to come.

It's frightening when all I know falls apart.

And all I know is you.

Hunger squeezes me tighter.

My Soul sags with exhaustion.

Ashtrays filled with sleepless nights.

Thinking of what had happen intensifies my anxiety.

Can tomorrow come without you... here today?

The morning dew falls on my face.

The image of you explodes in my mind.

Pain is unrecognizable.


All I knew was you.



You.





My love.







Who left.......













On a Saturday.






Saturday, April 25, 2009

Good things dont comes in a package.

22th april-

Went to JB for 2 hours .

Upon returning to Singapore Customs.

Big rain come.

Still I decided to ride it through.

Its a very long time since I get caught in the rain.

And this year I got caught in it thrice.

And each time is caught in super big rain.

I tuck my hp into my helmet to prevent it getting wet.

My cigg got soaked like tea leaves.

The rain splattering on my arms and legs like falling knives.

The strong wind blowing me from side to side.

Thats not the worse,

A few days before 22nd april I went to ECP with balrin.

On our way home happily,

we encountered a very bad experience we never ever wanna encounter again.

It suddenly rain !

And its like the weather is fine,

and the next moment is like ten person each carrying a pail full of water and pour it on ur body.

To cut it short.

The rain doesnt evolve slowly.

Its like from no rain TO Fucking Big Rain.

I dont know what the hell is wrong with the weather nowadays.

And the wind is fcuking strong.

Even with my bike [ hundred ++ kilograms ]

Plus ME and Balrin [ another hundred ++ kilograms ]

The wind can blow us from lane 2 to lane 1 on the highway -.-

THe big wind plus the big rain makes me tremble like shyt.

Its like super trembling kinda tremble.

Like how a mother trembles when giving birth.[ just giving an example, i dunno if women will tremble while giving birth anot ]

And on top of all that.

MY BRAKES ARE NOT WORKING !!!

Because of the big rain,

my brake pads and rotor are all wet making it lose it braking effectiveness COMPELTELY !

Hence making me travel 50km/hr on the highway which makes me reach home later and get drench longer !!

ANYWAY,

TALKING ABOUT TODAY !

Today I had a good day.

Today I had a bad day.

Today is the day,

Yesterday is the day,

THAT

I spoil it all for two persons.

A big big mistake I commited.

I am really sorry to you two .

I dunno what to do or say other then sorry.

I know sorry sounds easy to type or say.

But I really mean it.

If there is anything I can do

Or anything I can help.

Do let me know.

I will certainly try my best to help.





Went out with Her, Dixon and Co, HJ, Ants, and Wen Chuan.

First time went to off road, so fun !

My head nearly knock the car roof la because of all the bumpy roads.

Went to bedok to eat

Den to ECP.

Srry for holding u so late.

I forgot about the time =(

Anyway have had fun as long as your with me.

Go where oso same.!

And I dint tell you the thing because I dunno how to put it =(

Next time will tell you wan =D


And not forgetting the rest with us.

Good 'morning' all !


I seriously needa quit smoking FCUK !!!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Emotion-less

I wrote a whole chunk and I erase it early in the morning.

Dont think anyone read anything =D

I am pro.

Gotta go buy books for my students ltr.

I wanna watch Friday the 13th

and

Handsome Suit !!!


This is just a random short post to replace my existing long and messy post.

Monday, April 20, 2009

One Year Older, One Year Wiser.

HAPPY BDAY FRANCIS.

If not for ur little brother, u would not have guess the surprise party at ur house.

But anyway, hope u have fun.

Chomp Chomp may be fking smoky but its the fun we had right ?

Its good having u,

its good having me too.

KNOW WHY ?

BECAUSE I HELP TO ORDER THE SUGAR CANE FOR U ALL.

AND AND,

BECAUSE OF ME THE UNCLE GIVE US FREE DESSERT !!! =)


TELL ME WHERE GOT EVERYDAY SO LUCKY.


Maybe, because is Sunday la, or u wan to say because is ur bday.

In any case,

Hope u like the pressie from me.


One Year Older, One Year Wiser.



I dont wish to say this here, but because of the story annette told me.

I'll share with everyone.

And with you again if u dont remember what she said.

It goes like this,

There was this two super good friends.

One day, one of them died in an accident.

And his 'brother' cried terribly.

Not only because his bestfriend died.

But Because he never said to him 'I Love You' in his entire life,

because he felt it was not right.

AND,

That has been the biggest regret and mistake he had made in life.



And I dont like to have regrets in life.


Thereby, I will say





BROTHER,



I LOVE YOU. =D


HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY !

Pictures will be uploaded when I got hold of it.







He who has a thousand friends has not a friend to spare,
And he who has one enemy will meet him everywhere.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

A different day.

Met up with bob the builder at mac.

Cool magic tricks eh =D

Something very sad happen,

its sad to hear women cry.

And thats the last thing I wanna hear.

I feel you,

Be happy.

Stay happy.

Glad that u are alright alr.

Den,

Dinner at 925.

Sth very saddening happen again.

A call, that makes me think again, reconsider for the decisions I have made.

Nevertheless, after the whole night of reflecting.

I sorta came up with a conclusion.

A solution rather.

Whether it works or not, its not my fault I should say.

I'll give it all I got.

God decide =D


ANyway happen to
Saw gina and family =D



Den to dam to meet up with jeremy and co.


Ming Wei and Yee Sheng join us shortly.

R6 sounds like one crazy big fat machine.
And looks too big on Yee Sheng too.

AND


Sth freaking sway happen again and that turn into sadness within a few moments.


I put my bike key into Nicholas's bike.


My key manage to start his bike !

Its the 4th SP I started with my key !

However it will also be the last.


After turning it on happily, we realise that it cannot be off nor pulled out -.-


Luckily I got extra key, so we just went to 99bend with my key stuck in his bike.


We tried pulling out for one hour plus at dam.


Den at kent ridge park for a while.


Den after that go his house downstairs try.


We just fking cnnt pull out the key.



Hopefully, god bless, tmr Andy can find a solution to take out the key.


If not change the whole ignition $100 ++


I no money alr la !!!


Hope tmr will be a better day.


Lets hope my emotions will not sway like tsunami anymore.

I need to use my emotions as energy to empower most of the things I do.

You are my creation in my life,
for I am the one to label who you should be in my life.
Not anyone else.



Thanks again to a particular sth for sharing with me something I really need to know.
U know who u are. =D

I feel that my new songs all carries meaning except one.

THATS ALL FOLKS.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Manifesting

I tried to sleep at 4am. I wake up after a while. I tried to sleep at 5am again i wake up again.

I again continued to sleep at 6am I wake up after a while.

I am so piss now that I dont sleep. I gonna try and sleep again,

If I still cant go to sleep I will just play dead on my bed.


ANYWAY, I though it through.

This is the start of my plan alr,


It will happens starting this week all the way to next year and den the year after next.


First a Honda Bike,

Next a Honda Car.

Next,

Not a honda plane or a honda wife.

HAHA.

I am going to turn my dream into reality.


The entire reality is my creation.



U might think I am mad posting this early in the morning.


But I am suddenly enlighten.


Let me introduce my excitement as a kid.



I am not gonna jump up and down and scream though.



I am gonna say it to everyone I see, I am gonna do it.



I am gonna drive an EG6.


West Coast Today.


Had mac.


Had fun.


Climbed like monkey.

Laugh like donkey.

Emo like catfish.

Tired like melody LOL.




Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.



I am gonna go create a world of my own.


And I am gonna cut down on smoking.



BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Pictures !!!!!!

Its like finally I got the photoss,
Its freaking blur.
Its the memory that the picture retains.
Not how many megapixel is the camera though.
At least by looking the photos it reminds me how lousy ur phone camera is haha.
You know who u are. =P





Fcuking nth to do while riding



The tank is more comfortable den the seat I feel, seriously.




Snapshot.


Hiee =)



Army Platoon.





Why is the one in the middle camouflaging ?





Friendly people =)





ANother OWL day.

Today is a very special day.



BECAUSE OUTTA A EFFING WEEK.



I finally see her again.



ONE WEEK.!



Imagine how its like by dividing ur heart beat per minute.



from like 80 beats/min to 40beats/min.



Very torturous ok.



But anyway now I am back to normal heart beat.



Whatever it is, wake up super late today.



Met up with dixon and co.



Den to the park behind anthony's place to meet him.



Den to her house.
For like 2 hours.



And back to meet dixon and co again.



Wanted to eat at thomsom one.



But the stupid roti prata never open, make us waste our time.



Den decided to go to lavender to eat PORK SOUP.



Got lost for a while,



Ming Wei and join shortly.





Afterwhich, went to 99 bend again.



Fucking scare the shyt out of me this time.



I nearly hit the stupid fence in one corner.



Forgot I going too fast zzz.



Next time must check speedo meter before every corner alr.



If I still want my precious life.



Anyway, its a lesson learn.



Luckily not through the hard way.



I am still safe and sound, and I'll not repeat it again.



Phobia alr, should I stop going there.



Or go there more often to practise lol.


Saw Qi Sheng and co there too.



Slack for a while, took some pics but not with me now, shall upload when I got hold of it.



And den back to home.



This time scare the shyt out of me again.



Halfway through the expressway.



I found out that my fuel meter hit the red zone.



After a while ITS BELOW the red zone.





I was like praying and praying the whole journey that my engine dont halfway no petrol and die off on me.





LUCKY ME AGAIN !



I manage to successfully reach Yishun with all the petrol LOL.




Thanks you to whoever that is watching over me or parying for me to ensuure that I am safe and sound and unharm.


Guess tmr going to JB to pump again.



Still contemplating whether to go OR not.




I am so Shag,


GoodBYE ALL.

Hope u aint late for school.










In the past I used to think that how good would it be if we could all choose our love.
Now I realise,
Love isn't a decision. It's a feeling. If we could decide who to loved, it would be much simpler, but much less magical.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

PLAIN SWAY DAY

TODAY IS A PLAIN SWAY DAY.

Dont feel like elaborating.

I am all dead beat.

I am physically and mentally tired.

And I just cant take a rest.

Nevertheless,

I will still continue to develop a postive mindset =D



And an apology to two person today that I made them feel bad.

And for this special person.
I wanna say:

However tough it might seems,


However bad it might be,


However insecured I am,


However crap I may feel,


However I will not give up.!


Because I believe,


I believe,
Such is the inconsistency of real love,

that it is always awake to suspicion,

however unreasonable; always requiring new assurances from the object of its interest.




Any comment or anything that happens will not change anything.

Unless you change it.


I said it.!

Saturday, April 11, 2009

I wouldnt say we are drunk.

I would say we drank =D

I change the song for a reason,

I dont feel like posting anything other den these.

SOrry for wasting ur time to read this.

But well, I am off to sleep.

I wish I'll be 18 year old forever.




Kimi o ai shiteru

Friday, April 10, 2009

Just a random post before sleep.

Its A LONG TIME SINCE WE MET UP.

Its funny that a random call up.


Made us meet each other for almost every night. LOL.


I REMEMBER quite clearly, the last time I call u on ur phone.

Was to ask u to bring ur hockey stick down to wack someone with me LOL

Riding to town everynight to play L4D till I become broke. >.<
Worrying about cigg, food drinks and petrol every night


actually I like the feeling of lacking something when going out.


Example, got petrol got cigg no money buy food. or in any order


though the feeling suck at first but when ur bro offers to help.
Thats when,


the feeling is funny.

Or I would say priceless.

It may be 50 cents,
1 dollar,
or even 50 dollar.

Thats when love comes into play isnt it ?
Lol, brotherly love of course.
Dont even think of the word 'gay'




Nyways, thanks for the encouragement when I am down.

Thanks for coming both of u when I was alone in SG river.

Thanks for bothering me when I am busy.

Thanks for the repeated calls to meet me when I was with frens.

THANKS AR!


ANW,

today is ur big day. so I shall stop talking bad about u.
18th is definitely a bigger hit den ur 13,14,15,16,17 I SWEAR.
18 is the golden year and I am enjoying every single bit of it now.
U get to smoke, drink, ride , drive, watch M18 movies LEGALLY.
U enjoy much more privilleges HAHA.
Nyway, happy birthday again to you.
May u get ur license soon =D

I will be waiting for the day to say to u 'welcome abroad riders.



Anw, went to watch Fast and furious 4 earlier.
First day come out, first day go watch.

SPIRIT OF LACER?

My foot, typical singapore KIASU. LOL
Just kidding la.


It was meant to be a lacer educational film for us all LOL.



So,
If I dont drive a fast car in the future, I will spell my name backwards. =D
I wan to tia LANCERS. !


Theres was this fking picture i remember seeing in sbf.

It comes with subtitles and it goes like this.

BURN HIS HOUSE, BEAT HIS MOTHER.

Its FUCKING hilarious with the picture.

Thats exactly wan I wan to say to the fking lancer driver who tried to gank me in the middle of the night.

Be careful on roads.


A night at S'pore River.

Us. =D



Dunno where did that thing came from.





Hey people smoke halfway ask to take photo.
Impatient BBS.



LAST BUT NOT LEAST,
Let me introduce my FUTURE SON!

WAHAHA, CUTE BO ? =P




Alright I am going to sleep now. Good 'MORNING'.
going to JB at 4pm . OMG, lack of sleep. !

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

For bored people.

For people who are feeling bored, u might have come to the right place today.

Because Mr Juay is sharing his all time favourite jokes. =D


Here goes:

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.


I want to **** you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!




Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?


How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it. LOL


What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
Money. [now, what were u thinking of ?]


Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.



Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!




Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.



Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that thing?






A man called home to his wife and said,

'Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends..

We'll be gone for a week.

This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I've been wanting,

so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box,


we're Leaving From the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up' ' Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas.


'The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.


The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?


He said, 'Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to Do?

You'll love the answer...








The wife replied, 'I did. They're in your fishing box ...'






Next is something that kinda says that women are too clumsy.
But its just a joke alright ?



A sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

"Please note that this Bank is installing new "Drive-through" teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.


After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed.

Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."MALE PROCEDURE

1.Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.



FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write deposit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.

23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.






NEXT...


One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit.
"Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about.

Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red." Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple.

" The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking."

Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish."
Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him.

But she skips him again and calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" Billy asks. "No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking," the teacher replies.

Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard." By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically.

The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking."

Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly.

"Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"





Being Civil, mannerly and polite

I appreciate people who are civil,



whether they mean it or not.




Be civil.





Do not cherish your opinion over other's feelings.






There's a vanity to candor that isn't really worth it.










Be kind.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Grandfather story

Today, is a happy and tired and guilty day, and I have been staying up till 10am den sleep everyday.

Tired because I slept at 9am plus and wake up at 2pm.

Walked to Alvin house to get KC bike to go to bikeshop to change his pipe LOL.

Stock pipe sounds nice and not so KP LOL.

May lose some power, but to save the $900 summons. Its better to lose some power den lose a lot of money.

Afterwhich, ride Change engine oil at Yishun Industrial from sungei kadut.

Den to KC house,

Help to lube his chain and he removes the sticker marks.

Now almost everything is done other den paintwork haha.

Happy man liao he.

And dont worry bro, dont tell me pai seh or wad.

I help u till the end one.

Provided that I am free though haha.

Den went to bishan park with 'cannot say who, because its forbidden'

The mosquito FREE ONE!

TOAD OSO FREE ONE.

POKE oso FREE ONE !

Bad place to lepak. Advice to everyone not to go there aat night.

But I have enjoyed myself.

Wadever it is, went to slack around with dixon and Balrin Sidu Chee Bai Son of Piara. LOL, make fun of me somemore! and here I am at home blogging.

And my White Light Tyre cap kena stolen at boat quay from some low ballers.

Now I have A red light one. Thanks dixon for the lights =D

According to them, my bike look nicer with red light den white light.

Heh, next is RAINBOW meter light =D

Its a tiring day due to lack of sleep and too many activities.

I am going to sleep in an hour time and sleep for 12 hours. If I can..

And oh ya, poly's timetable is out.

I LOVE MY TIMETABLE.

AGAIN MONDAY NO SCHOOL !!!!

Tuesday study from 1pm to 4pm GO HOME.

Omg, its like I can play like shyt and dun sleep during the weekends la. LOL.

I love it I love it.

Friday ends at 12pm btw LOLOLOL.

Its godly timetable.



ANd forgetting to mention, I have been smoking too much for the past few days dam it. Now every breath I take I feel like coughing.
Lighting those sticks like they are candies.
Darn it.

F**k My Self !

Later meeting xiaohui for dinner or sth yea. Hope I dont overslept.

Good 'morning' all.

Byeeeeeeeeaaaaa

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Anticipated que

If asked why I would love her


I would say


It’s the sway in her hips,


It’s the lust in her lips,


the love in her eyes.


It’s the softness of her skin,


the silk in her hair.


It’s the twist in her walk;


it’s the sweetness in her talk.


It’s the way she loves me


that makes me love her each day.






That is what I would say..

Bad day gone worse

Today's a bad day!

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Sacrifice

I feel that its time I needa sacrifice things.

I dont have enough time.

Dont have enough money.

Hence, I decided to sacrifice.

I decided to pump my baby only once a week.

I am not going to throw any money onto her alr.

I am sorry my sp.

I may have to feed u the lowest grade of petrol and 2t.

But I dont wanna keep borrowing money.

Keep asking mummy for money.

Its funny when I think of it.

I ask mum for $2 yesterday.

Mum: Wth, $2 u oso dun have. Wad have u been doing, support ur bike somemore la.

Me: Forget it, I dont need it already.

Mum: Hands over $10.

Me: I said No.

Mum: nah la, $5.

Me: next time I should ask for more to avoid this kinda lecture.

After thinking about it, its quite stupid to ask for $2.

What can $2 do sia ?

Pump 1 litre of petrol ?

But as a son, I pai seh to take from my mum.

And I dont have the habit of taking money from parents until this year.

When mum and dad got a job.

Asking for money is like a new thing for me to learn.

Anyway, I wont be asking for any money already.

The allowance she gave may be considered very little for the fact that I still got my bike.

I decided to sacrifice like i said earlier.

Sacrifice petrol for food =D


Thats all, I dunno what to do with my bike now.

I feel it had thus became an accident born baby...