Saturday, December 29, 2007

Another msg to my dear bro

i hope u would throughly read through the msg u send me earlier b4 continueing reading the later part of this msg, First:i dun just call anyone bro..WORSE,for the sake of calling.[AND]FOR FIVE YEARS Second: as u noe i treat all my frens as very valuable things in my life..but through various lesson which life has taught me..i cannot ask these valuable bros to be by my side all the time..thats the reason for the last sentence i told u in the train,i noe it did hit u..becase it hit me too.. and i dun wish to say it.. but i have to.. cause i noe u wanna go "there"---> (u should noe wad is this) and i cant possibly FORCE u to come "here"---->(u should noe wad is this too) with me.. Normally when a que is asked.. the most firm ans is the first ans they give.. the first ans u gave me was 'err , i am not quite sure whther i wanna go [here] '

the reason wy i asked that que SOOO many time is because i am expecting a diff ans from u each time, and each time i am hoping that it would be a firm 'YES I WOULD GO WITH U BRO'although u did say YES b4 which made me over the moon , and then back to ure fav quote 'err, i am not sure whether i wanna go [here]' which was quite saddening though , but i dun blame u ... i did go home and think about it..i think about it a long time... before i tell u that last sentence b4 i left just now.. ULTIMATELY , i would wan u to be with me[sounds gay but this is it] but sadly u wouldnt wan.. so i thought to myself , maybe i should'nt put u in a diff position.. u choose **wer u wanna go** AND **who u wanna stick with**

since the day i blar blar blar ----> read the msg u send me and u will noe wad this means

we are not close? but i dun feel it.. and serious i really dun feel it.. prolly just recently i feel it... not because i found a blar blar blar

but because i just feel sad , i just feel lonely.. i just felt scared out of a sudden... who do i talk to ? i remain to keep quiet because even if i tell anyone it doesnt help.. so lets not be a burden to others.. lets not let my sorrows to be spread to others..

and u said u dun like the feeling that blar blar blar ... I DUN LIKE IT EITHER.... but , the problem doesnt lie in u... ITS LIES IN ME ! i noe for sure , i am tired of life.. so tired that i couldnt face up to the problems i have... maybe even if i were to tell u , u might say,which alot of ppl told me too.. 'aiya i oso'...

thats a very vague answer ppl normally give me.. AND it doesnt help ! it doesnt help at all... the 'aiya i oso' is not... not many ppl are facing the same thing as me.. its diff, TRUST ME... ITS DIFFERENT FROM ALL OF U OUT THERE...

and u heard of the saying ? " jia jia dou you ben nan nian de jing'

so i just keep quiet.. if i cant solve it , i will just ignore it.. and it makes me more EMO each day lols... but its ok.. as long as i dun affect anyone else, its ok,really..

any changes in me is expected.. and btw.. 2 person that u trust u said ? the same two person for me =)

the problem between us doesnt lie in because i blar blar blar

u might have DIFFICULTY reading this post but i hope u understand wad i am talknig bout.. because its way too long , cant msg u this lols.. and i dunno how to say it face to face AND ure not online =.= ..and all this keywords are for privacy purposes =)

msg me if u wanna say anything regardng this.. SLEEP WELL my bro =)

To my dear bro

yea,today i woke up ealy in the morning..went to pay some stuff with my mum and i received a msg frm cass.. it struck me... struck me hard.. i forgot today is the day u going to court..!! i am so sorry i was not there..and everything alr started , its too late even if i took a rocket over =(

when my mum was done , shes off to work and ask me to acc her to take the train but i refuse.. i told her that i would prefer to take the bus.. but in actual fact i walked home =.= [its at np only]

as i were walking , i kept thinking wad the judge would be saying to rong now.. shouting at him? yelling like some mother fcucker or wad.. the thought of not seeing him b4 he left makes my tear glands working a lil.. because yes i admit it was partly my fault that landed u in jail.. i wont elaborate on that...all i gotta say was , i am sorry..

it doesnt sound sincere , doesnt sound that i am really sorry doesnt look as if i have done sth that has removed some of the pain in u.. but truely i am guilty...
i did stop u b4 all these.. i blame myself for not coming down and stop u..
if i could removed some sorrows in u, i certainly would... I CERTAINLY WOULD !

i cant get thru ure pone , but i hope u will get back to me asap..BUT BUT i was so relieve!!! when i saw the msg wer ure sentence would be postpone... i was so excited! YES u have made a big sacrifice , i WISH upon wadever that could made wishes come true .. THAT , ure sentence would be lighter... way way much lighter den now..

Now whenever i am alone , i bend my head down and think, i am a sinner..=( this thing i can nv repay u back..

I AM SORRY , and i wish u all the best !
to my beloved bro..... ;'(

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Testing out

testing 1 2 3 haas so excited... i this blog MYSELF,with a lil help from annette,alvin bro and jun qi bro though haas , looks so stupid now .. just testing out abit.. lols will post more next time